I DO NOT drink. I don't order wine at restaurants; I don't have a beer while watching football; I don't enjoy a margarita with Mexican food; I don't sip cocktails down at the bar. From time to time, I have felt enough social pressure to force myself to have a Cape Cod (vodka and cranberry juice); and yes, I did get drunk a couple times in college and once at a going-away party because "everyone wanted me to", but I regret it, I didn't enjoy it and I won't do it again.
It has always puzzled me to no end why being the guy who doesn't drink has such a strong social stigma attached to it. At a holiday party several years ago, one of my bosses insisted everyone at the table have a drink with her; when I politely declined, she pressed me and I said that I do not drink. She glared at me and responded, "I don't trust anyone who doesn't drink."
What a strange thing to say!
Jim Gaffigan, who also does not imbibe, probably put it best:
I bring this up because of an excellent article published recently on Slate. Please read it. I hope it will give you a better perspective on how I feel when people in social situations give me a hard time because I don't drink. The author seems to have endured nearly identical experiences to my own.
As for my reasons for not drinking, they shall remain private.
STORIES I WORKED ON TODAY
President Obama is heading to Las Vegas, where he will attempt to resolve the budget deficit by wagering the states of Mississippi and Idaho at the blackjack tables. Also, he will talk about immigration reform, because apparently that's a big deal again all of a sudden.
READ THIS
Speaking of the federal budget, automatic spending cuts more likely now.
The world's economic power brokers are getting worried about watching their behavior. Maybe.
My fair city’s mayor and NFL team owner are blackmailing taxpayers like me into paying too much for a new football stadium. (Well, taxpayers as a whole; taxpayers like me who are Cowboys fans don’t particularly care if the Falcons move to Los Angeles... but we don't want to pay for a new stadium, either.)
Someone should tell the North Koreans that Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal" was SATIRE.
WATCH THIS
It's a foam party! Only it's at the beach and it looks f***ing gross (and kind of dangerous).
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"If he is a skeet shooter, why have we not heard of this? Why have we not seen photos? Why hasn't he referenced this at any point in time?"
- Rep. Marsha Blackburn, on why she's skeptical of President Obama's recent claim that he goes skeet shooting "all the time" at Camp David.
TODAY'S OBSCURE MOMENT IN HISTORY
On January 29, 1979, Brenda Spencer shoots up an elementary school and kills two people. When asked by reporters why she did it, the 16-year-old infamously replies, "I don't like Mondays."
TV TUESDAY
"Important Things with Demetri Martin" takes the term "sketch comedy" very literally.
